RA Blog Week: Partners

Partners: Where would we be without our partners? They are often not just partners but caregivers. Tell your partners story. And if you do not have a partner what will your ideal partner be like, or do you even want one? #RABlog

My husband and I have been married for 29 years. We have literally spent our entire adult years together. For the most part, being married to him has been easy because we have continually grown and changed together. 

RA has not been any different – it has required that we learn new things about ourselves and that we communicate these changes so the other one can be included. 

There have of course been times that we have both felt lonely due to my health condition. RA creates lots of fears in the “what if’s” and I have often needed time alone over the years to understand and accept what is happening to my body. It took me several years to finally realize that while I am going through a lot myself, my husband also experienced the “what if” fears. Plus, it isn’t easy to watch the person you love live with pain and not know how to stop it. 

Overall, my husband has given me a special gift. Unless I tell him otherwise, he goes on with life as if I don’t have RA. It is a gift because he has never stopped loving me as a complete person. While I sometimes see myself as an RA patient, he doesn’t. He sees so much more in me. He continues to ask me to experience life with him, something I love to do! 

RA has been a growing process. It has challenged both of us to communicate better and not expect the other to read minds, which is good for any relationship. We are in this together and when I ask him to slow down life, he does. Otherwise, we just continue living the best life we can together – growing as individuals and making memories. 

Important add on: After posting this, I realized that sometimes I focus only on how amazing I feel when I am with my husband but that I often forget to share another role he plays in my life. My husband works a job that doesn’t feed his soul but provides for us. Each time he is offered a new job, he has to ask a million questions about health insurance before accepting so that I have the medical care I need. What his job also does is allows me to work part-time. Even though my RA is in a good place right now, the fatigue is still huge and little things can set me in a minor flare. Working part-time helps me to take care of myself. Most importantly to me, his income has allowed me to homeschool my kids and make a million memories with them and to work a job I absolutely love. All of these things play into my overall health. 

4 thoughts on “RA Blog Week: Partners

  1. Ah yes … not expecting each other to read mind; that is sooo important, and so difficult to learn! I have had days, early on, when I'd think, 'How can you not KNOW I'm hurting?!' and then realise, 'Oh, because I've been hiding it and you can't read my mind!' 😉


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