I bought these flowers for myself on Tuesday. I was feeling down and needed a visual reminder that life is beautiful. Tuesday marked the one year anniversary of my dad dying and it hit me harder than I imagined it would. In addition, my mom had knee replacement surgery and my husband hasn’t been feeling well which worries me. Plus, I have over-scheduled myself by A LOT. I know this schedule will eventually be reduced, but for now I don’t feel like myself. I feel like I am living in a cloud that is waiting to be free to live a more simple life once again.
While the flowers were intended to be a reminder of the simple beauty in life, they have actually proved to be a reminder of so much more. As I have watched the petals slowly open up these last few days, they have been a reminder to slow down and enjoy the present moment. I have found that by simply walking past this vase of flowers, I am reminded to take a deep breath and let it out. The flowers have somehow reminded me to smile and focus on what is really important to me in my life – my family.
On Tuesday evening when I returned home late from a day of teaching and tutoring, I danced in the kitchen with Sophia. Last night I laid in bed talking to her until my eyes could no longer stay open. Spending time with her reminds me to laugh and talking with her reminds me of lessons I sometimes forget. My almost 14 year old daughter is very wise in her understanding of relationships and reminded me last night that we always need to look beyond what we initially see in a person because a lot more is going on in the background. Yesterday afternoon I had a great conversation with Alexander which took my mind to another place besides commitments. Each night when I get home from work he asks me how work went that evening. I love that he cares and is interested. I also love sharing little tidbits of my life away from home with him. And my sweet husband, who I don’t see near enough of, spent some time at work the other day instant messaging with me when he knew I was sad. He was able to sum up how I am feeling exactly. I love that he knows me so well and I am glad that I put my phone away before bed and laid in his arms several nights ago rather than once again checking my emails.
My life right now is chaotic and overall I feel worn down and stressed which is not a feeling that wears well on me. Sneaking in a little happiness though, makes a huge difference. It lets me focus on what is still most important to me and gives me the energy to complete the responsibilities I have committed to.