23 Years

The other day Alexander and I were talking about expectations of others vs. following your heart.  I shared how when I was 20 and his dad was 21, we got married.  Many people felt we were too young and weren’t afraid to share the expectations that we should date longer, we should have more experiences, and we should finish college first.  Getting married and being together felt completely right for us.  It didn’t prevent us from having new experiences, we just had those new ones together.  And it didn’t prevent us from graduating from college.  I told Alexander it was the right choice for us, even though when I look at 20 and 21 years old adults now they seem so young.  I told Alexander that I know it was right for us because after 23 years of married life, I still feel excited when my husband walks through the door at night.  I still feel like I am married to my best friend.  After 23 years together, I am still married to the love of my life.

Steve told me once that when people ask him what it is like to be married to the same person for this long he says, “it is like being married to ten different people.”  I laughed because it is so true.  Although our core being is probably very similar to who we were when we got married, we have both grown and changed so much in 23 years.  Our secret seems to be that we have been able to grow and change together.  It hasn’t always been easy and I am often reminded of a card we received at our wedding from an older couple that has been married for over 50 years now, “marriage is work”.  It is true.  At times it takes a lot of work remembering not to take each other for granted, remembering the other one has different feelings and thoughts than you do, and remembering that everything isn’t just about you.  The fun part is that if you continue to share and learn about each other, you learn to know what to expect in the other one and then all of the sudden they surprise you and you learn something new about that person.  It is fun. 

So as we celebrate our 23rd anniversary today with seven teenagers (two of our own and five who are coming for Sophia’s birthday party), I am glad that after all these years and “being ten different people” that my husband still loves me and enjoys being with me.  I am truly a lucky to be me!

11 thoughts on “23 Years

  1. Cathy,

    Best Wishes & Congratulations! What wonderful news! Isn't it exciting to demonstrate that marriage does not confine us or minimize our aspirations or goals? I have felt that it empowers us to realize our dreams in a more fulfilling way.

    I too have had a wonderful journey with my husband — my best friend. I'm contemplating what exceptional adventure worthy of our 25th coming up that is conducive to Severe RA that doesn't involve a lot of walking, yet involves travel and ideally something exotic. Any suggestions? I've never taken a cruise, as I've always been more of a “pound the pavement” kind of traveler, but maybe that's a good idea? Would love your thoughts and ideas.

    P.S. Love the hat/veil. Very “late 80s/early 90s.” 😉 I know, as I wore one as well. 😉

    Thrive With RA


  2. I'm a little late, but wanted to congratulate you on a beautiful relationship that we all get to learn from through reading your posts. Twenty-three years–that's awesome, Cathy! Happy, happy anniversary!


  3. Thrive, I am so happy to hear that your relationship has helped you to blossom also. Sometimes after being married this long I feel like I am in the minority of people that still like their husbands.

    Congratulations on your 25th anniversary. That is so exciting. We don't travel a lot, but when I think of an ideal vacation while suffering from severe RA, it does not include much time in the car. Being in the car for any amount of time is very uncomfortable to me. So, my suggestion would be to find something with little driving.

    A cruise sounds wonderful! Actually, anything in the sun relaxing sounds like pure heaven to me. That way you aren't expected to walk a lot, you can rest as often as you like, and you are still having a great time.

    I would love to hear what you decide to do. I have also been thinking that a 25 year anniversary trip would be fun.



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