Life is full of change. Change is scary. Change is hard. It often feels easier to stay where we are in life than accept the change that is occurring. However, life always has other plans for us and throws us situations that create change whether we want it or not. The problem is often not in the change, but in “letting go” of what was and embracing what is now.
In April, life brought a huge change to my life. My dad passed away. This has left a huge empty whole in my spirit. Although I can only think of beautiful memories when I think of my dad, his death feels wrong. It feels as if one of the most beautiful gifts ever given to me has been taken away and life will never seem quite as good. I don’t want this change. I want to hold onto my dad and put things back to the way they were before.
As I have reflected on the end of my dad’s life, I have realized that many of the feelings I am experiencing are very similar to the feelings I have experienced off and on the last seven and a half years of living with rheumatoid arthritis. It has felt wrong. It has felt like the beautiful gifts life has given me were being taken away. It has felt wrong.