Things are moving too fast. In February of 2008 I made the decision to go off the last of my medications for rheumatoid arthritis. Since going off, my body has been freaking out and wanting to know “Where in the h*$$ are the drugs?” Finally, the temper tantrum has worn down and my body is realizing the meds are not coming back. It has been a fight, I won’t lie about that, and I feel that I have accomplished a great victory by being where I am today – medication and pain free!
However, my brain hasn’t caught up yet and I am at battle with it. One part of me wants to jump back into a life I had before with daily exercise, cleaning, cooking, and other household responsibilities and experience fun things with my kids again like racing them from the store to the car, sitting crossed legged on the floor playing board games or starting a few sewing projects we have planned together.
But, something in the other part of my brain just isn’t letting me. It doesn’t want full responsibility yet and prevents me from doing these things. Maybe my brain is trying to tell me that I need time to heal and I can’t do everything at once. I can’t heal my body and be superwoman the next day. I know I need to listen because my body is still in recovery mode right now and I need to take it easy physically and mentally so I can heal properly and not set myself back a few steps.
I understand all of this and agree, but somehow I need to figure out a way to convince the other half of my brain to slow down and let my body have some time to rejoice in its new state of well being.